Introduction

Aromatherapy, in its simplest definition, is a ‘balancing’ medicine that affects the whole person. Surveying the literature, it becomes clear that the theme of loss is seldom approached in core aromatherapy texts, yet is something that each of us experiences, not once, but often throughout our lives. It would be rare for a practitioner in any field of care not to be called upon to support a person through this traumatic event.

Bereavement as loss

Bereavement is a fact of life. Talk of bereavement is mostly associated with death, but it is an emotional response that follows many events in life. Unlike many species in the animal kingdom, we take time to grieve after we sustain a loss: it may even be one of the things that make us distinctively human. The experience of grief almost certainly makes us more self-absorbed, grieving over what has been lost and because life has changed. It is ‘our’ loss and we are at the centre of our feelings and emotions. Loss is something we all have to come to terms with. In some ways the absolute nature of death may be easier to deal with than some of the less definite (even less obvious) happenings that cause grief.

Grief is essentially a product of love: the more we have loved, the greater our experience of loss. A world without grief would be a world without love: that, surely, would be sadder and more difficult to live with than loss. It is essential to recognize that we do not ever bring an end to the experience of loss, although

excess of grief is madness; for it is an injury to the living and the dead know it not.

(Xenophon)

In normal circumstances it takes around 3 months for a person to accept that a bereavement has taken place: if the circumstances are traumatic or sudden, this period will most probably be extended. Grief takes time to adjust to and will become an important step towards recovery from the immediate trauma – there is no guaranteed formula that can act as an effective anaesthetic. One has to decide to face the pain – and it is not until that decision is made that moving beyond grief becomes possible.

Every change involves loss and gain: arriving; departing; growing; declining; achieving; failing.

The old environment must be given up, the new accepted (Murray-Parkes, 1986: 30).

The grief process

Grief is a process with successive stages, the progression of which is not strictly linear: often a stage will be repeated and emotions apparently dealt with may be rehearsed again. Murray-Parkes (1986) speaks of five stages: alarm – searching – mitigation – anger and guilt – gaining a new identity. Ainsworth-Smith et al. (1988) identifies three stages: shock and disbelief – awareness – resolution. Bradley (1990) speaks of: numbness – pining – depression – recovery.

Whichever scheme is followed, there is much that is common ground, accepting the difference in phraseology. The author suggests that there are five distinct stages in working through grief:

Shock

Shock following bereavement is controlled by the reticular activating system (Fig. 16.1). The reticular formation, a part of it, is a complex neural network in the central core of the brainstem which passes nerve impulses between the brain and the spinal cord, monitoring the state of the body’s behaviour and alertness (see Wikipedia). It has a vast number of synaptic links with other parts of the brain that constantly receive ‘information’, transmitted in ascending and descending tracts (Wilson 1994 p. 253). One of its functions is to pass (or block) selective information to the cerebral cortex. Stimulation of the reticular formation has been shown to produce first, curiosity, then successively (as the intensity of stimulation increases) attention, fear and panic (Murray-Parkes 1986 p. 51). It is because of this that:

• people who are in shock can do strange things that are out of character for them

• sleep patterns, appetite and control of the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are often disturbed.