Respond in a way that will de-escalate conflict,
Avoid using “you” statements that will escalate conflict,
Identify feelings,
Identify behaviors that are causing the conflict, and
Help individuals resolve the present conflict and prevent future conflicts.
Table 7-1 gives examples of the appropriate use of “I” statements.
To communicate effectively during your consultations with patients, stay in an assertive mode. Present your views in a forthright and confident fashion. People do not usually have a high level of confidence in nonassertive speakers; conversely, they are frequently offended by aggression. There are several misconceptions about assertiveness. It is sometimes mistakenly said that assertive people tend to be rude, impolite, pushy, and uncaring. A truly assertive communicator is none of these. Look at the sidebar on page 91. Can you tell which mode of responding is being used in each situation?
TABLE 7-1 Use of “I’ Statements
Patient Says | Inappropriate | Appropriate “I’ Statement |
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Thirty dollars just to throw a few pills in a bottle! | People like you infuriate me! All you ever do is complain! | I want to address your concern, but I really don’t want to be yelled at. It is very uncomfortable for me. |
I don’t have any desire to stop smoking, so quit bugging me. | It’s for your own good. Don’t you know that? | I don’t want to bug you. I am concerned that your smoking will aggravate your high blood pressure and cause a more serious problem. |
I can’t believe that I have high blood pressure. | Come on now, Mrs. Smith. It’s not so bad. | I can see that this came as a real surprise to you, Mrs. Smith. |
You people don’t care about us. All you care about is making money. | Give me a break. If you knew how much I made, you wouldn’t be saying that! | I do care about my patients. I’m not sure hat has happened to cause you to think that I don’t. |
TYPES OF ASSERTION
Before we review individual assertiveness skills, it is important to identify the types of assertive statements available to you. These types are
Simple assertion:
“I will be unable to refund your money on this item.”
“I want you to take this four times a day, every day, until it is completely gone.”
Empathic assertion:
“I know that this came as a complete surprise to you. There was no way to prepare for it.”
“I can tell that having to take three different medicines seems overwhelming to you right now.”
Confrontive assertion:
“You say you’re going to take your medication as we have discussed, but I’m not sure that you’re taking this seriously.”
Husband gets silent instead of saying what’s on his mind. Wife says, “I guess you’re uncomfortable talking about what’s bothering you. I think we can work that out if you tell me what’s irritating you.” Answer: Assertive.
Situation 2
You’d like a raise and say, “Do you think that, ah, you could see your way clear to giving me a raise?” Answer: Nonassertive.
Situation 3
You’ve been talking for a while with a friend on the telephone. You would like to end the conversation and you say, “I’m terribly sorry, but my supper’s burning and I have to get off the phone. I hope you don’t mind.” Answer: Nonassertive—your supper is really not burning.
Situation 4
At a meeting, one person often interrupts you when you’re speaking. You calmly say, “Excuse me, I would like to finish my statement.” Answer: Assertive.
Situation 5
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